I'D WALK A MILE FOR A CAMEL HEAD

"SYDNEY, Australia (AP) 4/8/05 -- Qantas Airways Ltd. on Friday suspended a baggage handler who was caught on video opening a passenger's bag which contained a camel costume, donning the head and wandering around the airport tarmac.

"The costume's owner said he was waiting inside the terminal at Sydney Airport earlier this week when he glanced outside and saw the baggage handler wearing his camel head. He said he was shocked and reported the incident to the airline.

"Qantas Chief Executive Geoff Dixon said a security camera had recorded the baggage handler opening the bag and trying on the camel head. He said the baggage handler had been suspended and could be fired pending further investigation."

Okay, let's review: You're working as a baggage handler, one of the definitive dead-end, toilet-scrubber, drive-you-absolutely-insane-performing-mindless-drudgery occupations, and you're probably considering suicide for the 900th time, and as usual at such times, you open a few bags for a bit of brief and blessed diversion, and what do you find? A camel costume! Complete with camel head! This can only be a gift from God Almighty. I don't think "miracle" is too overwrought a word. Thirteen years working the Sidney International offload conveyer line, and you've never even heard of anyone else coming across a camel head. What do you do? An imbecilic question. You PUT THE CAMEL HEAD ON AND YOU CAVORT AROUND THE TERMINAL. Why? Because you'll never have this chance again. Because there can be no other reason for you having stumbled across this camel head. It is God's message to baggage handlers the world around that, even in their living hell, there can be deliverance and divinely inspired solace. And anyway, if it's good enough for the Bohemian Club, it's good enough for you.

The International Brotherhood of Baggage Handlers should make it a stipulation in their next union contract that, for one minute each month, members around the world shall be allowed to pause and refresh their spirits by doing "the camel walk." And that Aussie worker's locker should be made a shrine.

Is Left Field a Problem? Not If We All Just Try to Get Along.

You know how Jeffrey loves to mess with you like he's playing 3D chess with Mr. Spock on the original Star Trek. Well, when he told me RF was deep with talent this year I figured: pawn to the Rings of Saturn. But no. He's right. Whether or not to take Swisher -- he of the twofer in Balt. -- is going to be a bit of a dilemma since the options are many. But LF is a different kettle of hand-eye coordination. Who are some of these bums? The good news is that the DHs -- Ibanez at Seattle and Ford in Minnesota -- are both left fielders if you go by at least some of the depth charts I have been consulting. And Casey Blake in Cleveland was inked in as the LFer there until Gonzalez pulled his hamstring. Arguably he is a LFer as well. I propose this is how we look at it. Any objections?

Thinking about the draft, particularly 1b, 2b and Nick Swisher

Today I bought a Baseball Weekly that had complete spring training stats and had a nice long sit down at a local coffee shop making some notes. The myth is that I prepare and prepare but, nah, it's just me in the sun with a pencil stub and a reporter's notebook. Today I thought about 1b where I made a list 18 deep, counting most of the DHs as first basemen. I'll even tell you who my number 17 and 18 1bers were. Calvin Pickering and Josh Phelps. If you figure 80/80/25 is what you want from that position, these guys could do it. Probably won't but could. I'll have my eye on them. It shows how deep the position is. But when it comes to 2b, I won't tell you my 8th, 9th or 10th picks are since you might *use that knowledge against me.* Suffice it to say that I don't want to have to buy one of the tail-end guys at that position. That's why I say Chone Figgins is playing 2nd now. Let's leave him there even though Adam Kennedy will turn him into a super utility player when Kennedy gets back. If he gets back. Now for Swisher: This, I thought, is one vastly overrated rookie, and I was hopeful someone would waste a quarter on him in right hahahahaha. Tonight he hits two home runs. Maybe he is worth a quarter. Checking positions, etc., the first question I have is in regard to Shea Hillenbrand. He's dhing in Toronto, and the usa today depth chart has him at both 1b and 3b. Shall we put him at 3b where the pool is shallower? Come on, brave lads. Join the conversation.